ΕΛ/ΛΑΚ Moodle
Playing Games When Dating
Looking For Single Women in the US? Try Loveawake Dating Site
Playing the Game – Why You Have To and How You Should
I always find it entertaining how many people will tell you not to play games when you have a crush on a guy. I understand where these well-intentioned people are coming from. I too appreciate honesty and directness. However, ultimately, their advice is wrong.
Playing the game is an imperative part of the beginning of a relationship. Sure, it would be neat if that wasn’t the case, and there have definitely been many times that I have tried to convince myself that it was not. I’ve told myself things like, “I am too old for games,” “honesty is the best policy,” or “I have nothing to lose.” And you know what I’ve learned? I’ve learned that this kind of thinking pretty much never leads to good things.
The truth is we have to play games. It is human nature for us to think that something which is easy to obtain is not as valuable. Which means, if you don’t play your cards right, your uber-availability or over-sharing of information will be a turn-off. And unfortunately this is one of those turn-offs that can squash a budding romance.
So what should you do if you are developing a crush and you don’t want to ruin it? Well, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought lately as I’ve been getting to know this guy with whom I recently had the Facebook flirtation. We hung out for the first time on Friday night and I had a blast. Now I am afraid that I may have the beginnings of a real crush here and I don’t want to eff it up. So for myself ,and for you, I’ve compiled three tips to help you “play the game” right.
Don’t be too available
Just because he wants to hang out doesn’t necessarily mean you should drop everything to see him. That sets a bad precedent for the relationship – if it even makes it that far. When I first met Mr. Not Quite Right he called me the next day and asked me to go to a party with him. I turned him down because I was hoping he would take me on a real date – not ask me to go get drunk. It worked flawlessly. When we did go on our date a few days later we had a chance to really get to know each other and to be honest, I think that pivotal decision was a big part of the reason that I was his first girlfriend in 3 years. It’s cliche, but you want to give the other person a chance to miss you and make them work a little to get to hang out with you.
Make strategic contact
This is where it gets really tricky. Yes, you want him to know you are interested (and I will never be one to say a girl should always wait for the guy to call) BUT you have to be smart about how and when you reach out. Perfect example: on Tuesday this new guy FB chatted me once again, so I invited him to join me and some friends at an event on Thursday. He said it sounded like fun and he’d try and make it. When I hadn’t received a yes or no confirmation on Thursday afternoon, my impulse was to text him and just say, “Hey still interested in coming?” Proponents of this plan (and yes I asked many people for advice) argued that a Facebook chat invite is hardly official and perhaps he’d need a little extra encouragement so that he’d know that I really did want him there. But then a friend made a fabulous point. She told me to keep my eye on the prize. It was only Thursday and there was a whole weekend ahead. Plus the event was on a work night, super far from his house and late at night. The chances of him coming weren’t so good. So, I did not text him and then lo and behold, I heard from him the next day and we were able to go out — just the two of us. #win.
Take it slow and don’t over-share
Trust me, I can appreciate the rush of happy feelings when you are hanging out with someone you actually like. However, expressing those emotions in an appropriate way is key. This means avoiding everything from gushing to him about how much you like him to grilling him about his life plans to make sure they line up with yours. I don’t want to waste time any more than the next person, but just let a few things play out. You don’t have to have everything on the table right away, and even when you do, it doesn’t guarantee relationship success. You may want to consider taking it slow in the sex department as well. Sex complicates everything and makes the game a hell of a lot harder to play. I’ve found that if I genuinely like someone, it is much easier for me to get to know them if I don’t have that added stress.
The truth is, talking about game playing makes people uncomfortable despite the fact that we all do it. For some reason, there is this perception that playing the game is manipulative, when, really, it is just about understanding human nature. We like things we have to work for. And because this is true for most/all humans, these game playing tips don’t just apply to the girls. As much as I’d like to think that I could date a guy who was just upfront and available, the reality is that whenever a guy like that comes around, I become uninterested — fast. I, like many people, want a challenge, want time to get to know a guy, and want to date someone who doesn’t just hop into relationships with anyone.
So what do you think? Does game playing have a place in relationships? Or is game playing really just about being patient and smart? I’d love to hear your opinions.